@laurrlor: I can't believe I'm in class on Presidents' Day. This is an obamanation.
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@randygdub: trump is putting everyone who works at goldman sachs in the government so that there's no one left to run GS and they go out of business
@JakeAupperle: Cashier: Cute kid, how old? Mom: Thank you, 28 months & 4days. What's my total? Cashier: Your total is 756 quarters & 8 dimes. #cashierlife
@4Crocs: If there is not a open bar and a goddamn delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
@seamussaid: hey Disney-Pixar here's an idea maybe make a movie where the daughter ACTUALLY LISTENS TO HER FATHER