@laurrlor: I can't believe I'm in class on Presidents' Day. This is an obamanation.
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@KattsDogma: DA: Where r my legal briefs? Paralegal *hands him his boxers* Judge: lol Jury: We're hung Judge: ha! DA: Balls in your court Judge: DO MORE!
@PaperWash: Mother's Day is just an another made up holiday so the government can sell you more mothers
@GayAtHomeDad: If your partner/spouse tells you they're not reading everything you tweet: A) they're lying B) hi honey!
@Cheeseboy22: Apparently my 6yo old son went to school with a Spiderman costume under his clothes. The students of Edison Elementary are safe today.