@meganamram: I can't believe it's 2012 and street signals are still only telling white people to cross
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@pixelatedboat: You wanna mess with me, pal? You wanna mess with the saddest man in town? I've got a whole crew of sad boys just waiting to burst into tears
@kibblesmith: Hey "La La Land" remember when you gave us that fake happy ending and then took it away How's it feel
@kentgrossarth: I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend's bedroom. I can't believe she's a super hero.
@amishschool: Coworker left himself signed in to LinkedIn and now his skills include "mouth breathing".