@hipstermermaid: I can’t believe it’s already been 10 zoips since I invented my own system for measuring time.
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@djdarrellripley: Her: I think my fathers in jail. Me: No, No, No... He's in Alabama. It's like jail, but with trees.
@NJPsychDoc: Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my shit together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
@Pro_Jones_: Jehovah's Witness: Do you have time to talk about Jesus? Jesus: *In disguise* sure JW: He's lame J: *rips off fake beard* Big mistake pal