@hipstermermaid: I can’t believe it’s already been 10 zoips since I invented my own system for measuring time.
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@markydoodoo: Ever say hi to someone and immediately regret it because now you know you have to say hi to them forever?
@TheQuietPsycho: Meanwhile, in a parallel world...a banana slowly and seductively peels and eats a human, while locking eyes with another banana...
@longwall26: *Paul Ryan watches a children's hospital explode* Hhhhmmm, an affordable source of heat and light
@AnniemuMary: My husband got new earbuds. Think I'll skip the middle man and put them straight in the washing machine.