@better_off_dad: I can't believe they get women to pay so much for those boots & can't even spell 'Ugly' right...
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@novicefather: [iphone vibrates] 3yo: daddy someone is texting you [landline phone rings] 3yo: what is that sound?
@iwearaonesie: my wife's friend is so pissed i made fun of his lazy eye he's having a hard time even looking at me
@WheelTod: Well, well, well. Looks like I may have a lawsuit on my hands: a gynecologist refused to treat me, and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm gay.