@EmilyZDavis: I can't believe this dog and a whole family just died because of a forgotten comma
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CaptainJerkwad: Hate being a funeral director "why'd u take the job?" I inherited it from my dad "You could've just declined it" And lose my first customer?
@CulturedRuffian: Like grandpa always said, 'If you kids don't stop retweeting yourself, you'll go blind.'
@SatansTongue: *Vladimir Putin dining* I want Russian fries "They're French fries" Not for long *crosses Ukraine out on agenda & lists France* Not for long
@mdowd: If the FBI want to get into an iPhone w/o users permission, they should ask someone who's done it before, like U2