@GreatestWeight: I can't come into work. I opened a cursed sarcophagus and now I gotta put a pharaoh's soul to rest. I DUNNO, TAD, I'LL PROBABLY BE IN MONDAY
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@Sal0630: Sorry I started singing Bohemian Rhapsody at the accountability meeting, but you said "easy come, easy go" so I just ran with it..
@gwatts77: Facebook people don't like Twitter because they need picture illustrations to understand the joke.
@tastefactory: 12 YEAR OLD: I wrote a movie script called Suicide Squad but it's bad *throws in trash* HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: *walks by trash* Hey what's this