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@Ideal_Victoria: “I can’t eat all of that!”
... and other lies I tell
@SocialExtortion: fun prank: text a girl "we need to talk right now" and then throw your phone into a river
@Dawn_M_: This guy is choking on the last hotdog I wanted so I'm just going to let him die.
@Cheeseboy22: "It's cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I'm so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don't have to go to Facebook today. You're welcome.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Sorry, but your kids don't look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people.
@tigersgoroooar: hate when the barista asks "do you want whipped cream?" it feels there are only two answers: "yes please, i'm fat." or "no thanks, i'm fat."