@LuvPug: I can't get out of bed, my Fitbit is charging and my steps won't count
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@iwearaonesie: *wife spends all morning convincing son not to be afraid of the dentist* "Dad are you coming too?" Hell no dentists scare the shit out of me
@AimeeHelene1: Him: If you're waiting for me to apologize... Me: No...no...I'm just waiting to see if you leave any fries behind when you walk away.
@WVUPRT: Girl at engineering school: I'm like the single-most clumsy person [5 male engineering students emerge from bushes] "Did you say single?"