@brakco: I can't help but feel that if Mario hadn't been taking so many mushrooms he would have found the right castle rather quickly..
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@KyleMcDowell86: told my girl I was going to a wine tasting, now she's coming and I was just gonna eat a dead bird and some expired cat food behind a Costco
@TheGladStork: When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call.
@jackiembouvier: [First date] Me: So, I've been married for 12 years - Him: You're married?? Me: Is that a problem?