@mishakey: I can't help but notice that the Ninja Turtles never wash their hands before eating pizza in the sewer.
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@TheBoydP: If by “chivalry is dead” you mean “I put my coat in a puddle for my wife so she's making me do laundry for a week” then yes chivalry is dead
@Brampersandon_: ME (wakes up from coma): whatve I missed WIFE: Trump's running for prez & the Cubs are favs to win the World Series M: haha ok but srsly tho
@Donna_McCoy: Shout out to whoever scheduled Valentine's candy to show up just as we're all giving up on New Year resolutions.
@ayyyyloser: "There's plenty of fish in the sea" is just something people say because you're going to be alone. Fishing is something you can do alone.