@Marlebean: I can't hold my breath to swim to the other side of the pool but I suddenly have Michael Phelps lungs to get away from someone coughing.
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@BuckyIsotope: TARGET GUY: anything I can help you find? ME: I’m looking for *eyes turn black* BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT TARGET GUY: *eyes turn black* AISLE 5
@simoncholland: I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.
@QwertyJones3: HER: I'm a member of my local Rotary Club. ME: [trying to impress her] Yeah I hate touch tone phones.
@bossy_bootz: Me in my 20's: oh cool there's an after party Me in my 40's: oh cool this cardigan has pockets