@Marlebean: I can't hold my breath to swim to the other side of the pool but I suddenly have Michael Phelps lungs to get away from someone coughing.
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@XplodingUnicorn: What I was supposed to teach my kid before kindergarten: 1) phonics 2) writing 3) math What I actually taught her: 1) the dance to Thriller
@iGreenBabe: Twitter makes me want to have drinks with people I've never met, and Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people I already know.
@daemonic3: If I were a ghost, I'd spell "antidisestablishmentarianism" on the Ouija board just to waste those idiots' time.