@msdanifernandez: I can't. I'm busy tonight. I have to do laundry and block everyone who takes their engagement photos in a barn.
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@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: How would you define yourself? ME: *don't let her know you're a delicious chocolate cake* Moist
@david8hughes: [drops son off for 1st day at daycare] "Ok, Mr Hughes, see you at 3 o'clock." "Not a chance. He's your problem now."