@jwoodham: I can't make it tonight. There's a couple fighting at Target and the guy just started sarcastically clapping. I need to see where this goes.
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@_NTFG_: We woke up to a noise. I grabbed a bat. He grabs a can of body spray. "Really? Gunna make this burglar irresistible to women huh?"
@oscarewilde: doctor: do you have any questions? me: would a lucky talisman made of eggs be called an omulette? doctor: i meant about your antidepressants
@Rollmaninoz: Interviewer: where do ya see yourself in 5yrs Me: going through a Denny’s trash bin I: but you might get this job M: haha that’s… irrelevant