@st00pidfast: I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TylerLinkin: My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time.
@Canadian_Cutie_: My voicemail greeting: Its 2016, please hang up and text me before the beep so I don't get a notification.
@Rollinintheseat: Never play musical chairs against a person in a wheelchair. They will always beat you.