@st00pidfast: I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else.
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@UghNotAgain: Forced to use Axe Shampoo & Conditioner this morning and now my hair is high fiving people and calling them Braaaah.
@SatansTongue: *Filling out application* Sex: "no thanks" Well maybe I should write yes... I really need this job. You know what? Yeah sure I'll take sex.
@AnnaKendrick47: My life would be so much easier if it wasn't for that thing…God, what is that thing called…other people.