@st00pidfast: I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else.
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@hardlyrelevant: (pretending to be well-read to impress a girl) War and Peace? Yeah I loved that one “What was your favorite part?” I’d have to say the Peace
@JohnHilsen: Mankind has made a lot of mistakes, some of them truly monstrous. The Holocaust. Slavery. Calling it a "corn maze" and not a "maize maze."
@markhoppus: Cinderella, but the Prince is searching for the maiden who matches the glass thigh gap.
@ItsAndyRyan: I asked my wife for an audio book and she got me an encyclopaedia. That speaks volumes.