@sethmeyers: I can't personally remember an Olympics with better toilet reporting
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@thatUPSdude: I don't believe in mythical creatures like dragons, unicorns, Lock Ness Monster, drama free women. Just joking, I believe in Nessie.
@rickolantern: Text is the perfect way of saying I have some information I need to give you but I in no way shape or form want to hear your voice
@topaz_kell: [getting murdered] Me: "Could you please stop for a second?" *gives murderer a Snickers