@lazerdoov: I can't prove God isn't real, but at the same time, I can't prove that my dog doesn't run a violent Asian street gang while I'm asleep.
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@usedwigs: The hardest part of the day after running a marathon is finding ways to work it into every single conversation you have.
@Velocycrator: Whenever I'm alone, I like to dig a hole in my backyard, remove all my clothes, go inside that hole and pretend that I'm a carrot.
@usermcuserface: Guy behind me in line at the gas station was standing close enough to reenact the pottery scene from ghost.
@SondraDeeMe: ME: What's this about? SECRET SERVICE: We can't tell you ME: I can take it SS: *whispers* Your parents didn't take your dog to a farm