@lazerdoov: I can't prove God isn't real, but at the same time, I can't prove that my dog doesn't run a violent Asian street gang while I'm asleep.
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@fillthevacuum: Oh, those stick figures on your car aren't for the bike riders you hit? *removes 14 stick figures from car*
@partlyfunny: If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
@LFdiepretty: Calm down, I'm only asking for your last name because I want to check how well it pairs with the baby names I have picked out for our kids.
@Schmoodles: Me: Girls' night in!!! Cat: I'm a cat. Me: You're my best friend. Cat: I'm not even a girl cat. Me: So it's like a date? Cat: Get help.