@lazerdoov: I can't prove God isn't real, but at the same time, I can't prove that my dog doesn't run a violent Asian street gang while I'm asleep.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: it's fun to yell CHEESE! at a group of girls and watch them switch to their Facebook Poses
@JLazySAngus: Naming a dog after alcohol is cute until they run away and you scream their name until your neighbor brings you a bottle to shut you up.
@sad_tree: [job interview] "So why do you want to be a jeweler?" ME(thinking about using that eye thing to appraise chicken nuggets): I love rubies
@withanewname: It's like these people at the liquor store have never seen somebody pay with this much change