@lazerdoov: I can't prove God isn't real, but at the same time, I can't prove that my dog doesn't run a violent Asian street gang while I'm asleep.
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@zachreinert03: My mom moved me away from Texas as a kid, statistically decreasing the chance I ever get the death penalty and that's pretty cool
@LoveNLunchmeat: I really need to go on the show Survivor. Not for the money or the fame. It's just the only way I'm ever gonna effectively lose weight.
@DrDogMD: NURSE: I promise. It's ok. You can come in. MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*