@AndyAsAdjective: I can't prove it, but from the sound of it, I'm pretty sure there's an injured dolphin stuck in my dishwasher.
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@brittwastaken: I see you from across the room and falter. My breath catches as my pupils dilate with desire. You, a muffin, remain motionless.
@IslandsJunk: Win a Canadian marathon by putting a door just before the finish line and having them all wait for you to go through first.
@Scdavis24: Alcohol doesn't make you fat... it makes you Lean... on tables, chairs & random ugly people...or sometimes floors
@forcemajeure40: Apparently when I'm at Olive Garden I'm family. So why did they call the cops when I left without paying? My family never makes me pay.