@Donna_McCoy: I can't remember the ending of one single movie I've seen since they started selling booze in theaters.
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@simoncholland: Why would I pay for a haunted house when I can wake up to my kid silently standing by my bed at 5 AM.
@KyleMcDowell86: ME: Cant sleep. Theres too much going on in the world MY WIFE: Whats bothering u? ME: If Garfield didnt have a job, why did he hate Mondays?
@Megatronic13: Interviewer: what is your greatest weakness? Me: I think people find me intimidating Interviewer (nervously): maybe it has something to do with the- Me: OMG, it has nothing to do with the giant hawk perched on my shoulder