@anjadrisch: I can't remember where I parked my car an hour ago but I can recall how stupid I was at 20. Please God erase that memory & bring back my car
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@TheMichaelRock: [first date] me: so what do you do for a living? her: I study foreign languages me[trying to impress her] bone apple tea, moon cherry
@rockymomax: ME: long time no see! I heard you're a doctor FRIEND: I am. what do you do now? ME: [glances down at open twitter app] I'm a writer
@sagarcasm: *Checks typos in the mail before sending* *Checks again, to be sure* *Clicks on Send* *Goes to sent mails* There's a typo in the Subject
@LackOfShame: H: Gross! Stop peeing in the shower! Me: Why? Everybody pees in the shower. H: Yeah but you're not in it right now, I am.