@AskAuntieEm1: I can't seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don't need their assistance in the bathroom.
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@Tadicles: When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music" , but when I do it I'm "wasted" and "have to leave the Hardware Store"
@Lisa_Laughs_: They're not all brilliant, but they're all mine. Meaning my tweets, and maybe my kids, whatever.
@AlexRogaski: [God making African animals] Screw it. Just put stripes on a horse, make that water lizard really big, and put spots on a really tall deer.
@Amburglar_: Ugh don't you hate it when you accidentally leave the volume up on your phone & the next stall hears the *click* when you snapchat your turd