@AskAuntieEm1: I can't seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don't need their assistance in the bathroom.
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@Samzen_: Judge: You shot him. How do you plead? Me: Bleed? NO. He was the one bleeding Judge: HAHA Me: HAHA *High five? Judge: Ten years with no bail
@Browtweaten: Friend: You can improve your visual acuity with carrots Me: *shoving a carrot into each eye* You better be right about this, Gary
@susie_meister: If we eliminated, "Is your car running ok?" from our conversations, my dad and I would never speak.
@AnniemuMary: My youngest once got ahold of the scissors and gave herself a haircut. It wasn't bad. So now every 6 weeks we casually leave them out.