@AskAuntieEm1: I can't seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don't need their assistance in the bathroom.
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@noog: To the idiots who say ghosts aren't real, maybe you should watch this documentary called Ghostbusters.
@Ristolable: Sorry boss, I set my alarm for 7PM instead of 7AM and that's why I haven't been at work in six years.
@Henry_3k: Meanwhile at the drugstore... What do you mean I can't drink alcohol with this medication? You're not a bartender! You're just a pharmacist.
@Brentweets: "Hi doc!" "Hi! What is that behind your ear?" "Nice try, too old for the coin trick" "No it's a tumor" "Oh my god" "Kidding it's a quarter"