@AskAuntieEm1: I can't seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don't need their assistance in the bathroom.
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@chrissyteigen: Does the baby have access to my ribs? It feels like they're bars and she's an old timey prisoner with a tin mug
@iwearaonesie: HR: Did you eat all the mints that were in my jar? me: No [some mints fall out of my mouth] HR: me: Yes [more mints fall out of my mouth]
@iamburtjarvis: ufo crew: why are we hovering? ufo captain: i wanna pet those dogs ufo crew: why not land? ufo cap: those talking monkeys are annoying af
@thenatewolf: *You at a concert* Dancing, singing, feeling the beat, letting loose. *Me at a concert* Waiting for the bass player to make eye contact and then giving a thumbs up so they know they’re doing a good job and someone cares.