@abbymedlock: I can't stand this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, you're coming to my room.
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@trojansauce: DAVE: sorry im late alvin needed me DATE: is that your son? DAVE: for the last time gwen, he's the lead singer in the chipmunk band i manage
@badbanana: Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I'm looking for the thumbs-down button.
@lilgapeach30: Siri just said I'm looking for love in all the wrong places so I'm tryin to figure out what happened to Siri and how my mom got in my phone.
@Book_Krazy: Pro-tip Ladies, try to refrain from plucking that one crazy hair from his nose while he's sleeping. He won't think it's as funny as you do.