@abbymedlock: I can't stand this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, you're coming to my room.
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@schumyxxx: When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?", I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too?".
@Harbinger_one: Just ran 45 minutes on the treadmill and burned 732 calories. Or as many people like to call it, 4 olives.
@TravLeBlanc: The first of Jay-Z's 99 problems is the obsessive compulsive disorder that requires him to know his precise number of problems at all times.
@T_N_Crumpets: Waiter: black pepper? Me: sure Waiter: say when Me: [remembering I have large investments in numerous peppercorn plantations] haha sure