@akatinamarie: I can't tell if the vegans upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@PyrBliss: The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that's not a risk I'm willing to take.
@notalogin: First they came for the people who say "Awesome sauce," and I said nothing, because, frankly, those people deserve it.
@CoreyKeyz: Valentine's Day makes me realize how single I really am. But I'm still gonna sleep like a baby knowing I'm not getting cheated on.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what are your future plans? Me: lunch Interviewer: I meant long term plans Me: what, like dinner?