@dvoted_hubsand: I cant use facebook cuz everyone making popular comment I wish I thought of first, like "thank God it Friday!" or "Im pregnant of baby"
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@WeissBrandon: Name the only building in the world with 80,000 stories The library (My 6yo told me to tweet this)
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Where were you supposed to poop? 2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn’t you? 2: I’m too busy.
@ieatanddrink: Think I nailed my job interview today because I wore a graduation cap to make it look like I graduated high school
@kwirkyKerri: I've never been offered money for sex. Never been offered money to not have sex either. So there's that.