@charstarlene: I can't wait to get married and communicate my disdain solely through aggressive dishwashing.
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@dril: the neighborhood teens have left so many burning bags of garbage on my lawn that everyone thinks that this is the place you burn garbage now
@michaelianblack: Probably not a coincidence that Taylor Swift just spent $17M on a mansion only two states away from me.
@DaHess1: "We heard reports that some guy saw a snowflake one time somewhere so we better cancel 5,000 flights." - Airlines
@U_Want_Shum_M8: Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday 13th.The next day he won the lottery