@charstarlene: I can't wait to get married and communicate my disdain solely through aggressive dishwashing.
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@WheelTod: [First Date] Her: Sorry, but your profile pic was misleading. Oatmeal Raisin Cookie: I never *said* this was chocolate. You just *assumed*
@FunnyIsFamily: 5yo: "Mom, will you get me a yogurt?" Me: "You're closer to the fridge." 5yo: *moves to the other side of the room* "Now you're closer."
@AndrewNadeau0: HER: I think we should see other people. ME: *Looks around scared* Can…can you not see any of them?
@GriffonTaylonYo: Soldier: WE NEED MORE AMMO QUICK! Me: [sweating bullets] um will these work Soldier: [amazed] you son of a gun