@HalfBakedHoney: I can't wait to tell my grandchildren how many times I've survived the end of the world.
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: Her: I'm leaving you Me: Because of the ancient Roman literature puns? Her: Yah Me: But Aenid you
@IGotsSmarts: She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically.
@Vodkantots: "We hug and kiss, but people just don't lick each other." -yet another lie I just told my toddler
@patrickmarkryan: On a positive note, once Trump becomes president and burns the world to the ground, our student loan debt is essentially wiped clean