@HalfBakedHoney: I can't wait to tell my grandchildren how many times I've survived the end of the world.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse.
@TheReal_AndyMac: Thanks to Hurricane Sandy, my Facebook feed changed everybody from political analysts to weather people.
@Teeter_Totter: I don't care how hardcore you are. If you don't cry when Dumbo visits his mommy in elephant jail, you have no soul.
@o__0Dev: I've finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in shower that runs down my body says, “4 extra volume & body