@BreadFoster: I can't wait until Taylor Swift breaks up with a black guy so she can put out a rap album.
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@JackieluvsUK: Gonna start feeding my dog condoms, so when she poops they're already in tiny little bags!
@sixfootcandy: Kidnappers: We have your husband. Send us $10,000 if you ever want to see him again. Me: Where I should drop off his clothes?
@Sarcasticsapien: Saying "to each his own" is the best way to tell someone you respect their right to have an extremely stupid opinion.
@BrianIncognito: I was dismissed from my responsibilities as church usher because I kept using finger guns to point out available seats. * pew pew *