@TheTweetOfGod: I care more about the outcome of sporting events than any other aspect of human existence.
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@shadygeekdad: DM: This person is writing offensive posts about you. ME: Oh cool, you follow my wife! Tell her I said hi!
@noog: The year is 2020. Hip hop has fully merged with dubstep, creating the genre of music known as Dubhop. All hope for mankind is lost
@BlindChow: COP: do you know why I pulled you over? ME: *furiously trying to swallow a mouthful of mattress tag stickers* no