@weinerdog4life: I carry a bar of soap in my pocket so when someone tries to talk to me I can pull it out and say someone is paging me and leave.
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@LousyBastard: I'm sorry I dropped your baby and doubly sorry I nudged it under the crib with my foot so you wouldn't notice.
@AristotlesNZ: Me: WHAT DO WE WANT?! Him: "Nothing. I'm good." WHEN DO WE WANT IT? "Seriously, knock it off." I GOT A NEW BULLHORN! "I can see that..
@DaddyJew: Son: you have a gray hair Me: it's a badge of honor Son: *looks at head* whoa, you're like some sort of super soldier Me: go to your room