@JanuaryJames: I carry a gun because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six.
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@myles_morrison: I practiced cursive for years in elementary school & my electronic bank signature still looks like it was signed by a drunk monkey.
@MarcusTheToken: I left some acorns in the spot where I killed a squirrel because I'm thoughtful. Also because a gang of squirrels burned a cross in my yard.
@KatieBurnett: The worst thing about kissing the person who loves you the most is when you bang your teeth off the mirror
@Petote: My fish makes so much noise during the night that I wake up six times a night to ask him if we are fighting