@JanuaryJames: I carry a gun because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six.
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@daemonic3: Sweetie, who is this bully stealing your pudding cup before school?!? "Mom, it's-" *dad makes throat slice gesture* "No one, Mom. No one"
@DaddyJew: Gf: on a scale from 1-10, how annoyed are you with me right now? Me: 8 Gf: I can do better than that
@lenadunham: Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex? Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend.