@Aspersioncast: I carry a knife, but it's just in case of cake.
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@OfficialMizGin: Want to know the real reason girls go to the bathroom together? The air hockey table. All our bathrooms have one.
@Shut_up_Marissa: CW: How was your weekend? *finds nearest object* "Hello?" CW: Are you talking to a stapler? "I'm sorry, I have to take this."
@juliussharpe: I'd be less scared of trying to take a gun from a mugger than I am of taking an iPad from my kid.
@daemonic3: The 1st rule of idiom club is loose lips sink ships. The 2nd rule is don't let the cat out of the bag. Last but not least, the 3rd rule.