@_xLNc: I carry a knife whenever I'm running late to work because that's what Counterstrike taught me: "You always run faster with a knife".
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@Cheeseboy22: The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
@JosesLovesYou: [at sheep farm] Me: So how do you get steel wool? Farmer: well, that we get from our metal sheep Me: huh? *sheep walks by with Slayer shirt
@bea_ker: [date slides her top down her shoulder to show me a scar] I got this surfing [I show her my grotesque balls] I was born like this I think
@rdm_guy: Young people of today will never know the joy of having a cassette stuck in the car stereo & listening to the same 12 songs for 20 years.