@StinkyGr33n: I carry one of those tiny Swiss Army knives with me at all times. You never know when you'll need a tiny blade to thwart an attacker.
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@gruffybeard: 911: What's your emergency? Me: I'm scared. I *gasp* can't *gasp* breathe *gasp* again! 911: Sir, for the last time, unbutton your pants.
@david8hughes: If you see a distressed woman in the mall screaming that she can't find her baby, don't offer to help her make another one.
@Amusitr0n: It's freedom of expression. Grocery Store Manager: sir you were holding a potato in a tiny cage and threatening the store potatoes