@mdob11: I carry tumbleweed so I can let it roll across the floor during awkward silences.
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@NotARatsAss: Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later.
@DanMentos: [first date] "so what do you do?" *thinking about the jar of coins I plan to use for new shrubs* I'm a hedge fund manager
@TylerLinkin: Paris Hilton’s chihuahua Tinkerbell died yesterday. Purses are being held at half-mast.
@LaceyNycole: Meteorologist: According to our facts, we'll have a longer winter- People: LET THE GROUNDHOG DECIDE Meterologist: But science People: NO