@JCWisdomNuggets: I carry two crickets around in a small box so when I say something that isn't funny I can supply my own sound effects. They get real tired.
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@ShawnIzadi: Why use words you don't understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis.
@narcoticpanda: *gets hit by a car* Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?" Me: "Please... I need my... phone" *opens Twitter* Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
@PeachesMcPeach: Omg. The WiFi went off a minute ago so my kids came out of their rooms. They're getting so tall!