@JCWisdomNuggets: I carry two crickets around in a small box so when I say something that isn't funny I can supply my own sound effects. They get real tired.
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@offbeatoliv: It's such bullshit that there's no zombie apocalypse. I totally want to hit my neighbor over the head with a shovel.
@KKAlThani: The girl at the table next to me is having a salad. Not as a starter, but as a main course like some kind of rabbit.
@RxitWounds: *Sits straight up in bed* "THE CHILDREN" *Kids are sitting in the produce department while two watermelons sleep peacefully in their beds*
@OctopusCaveman: Me: Remember when Rodney King got beat up and everyone had that weird party in LA? Jill: It was a riot. Me: It wasn't funny Jill.