@JCWisdomNuggets: I carry two crickets around in a small box so when I say something that isn't funny I can supply my own sound effects. They get real tired.
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@upsidedowntrash: [1st Day working at Hotel California] Guest: Id like 2 check out Me: Sure! Youre all set! G: Thanks! [Leaves] Boss: Can I see u in my office
@goldengateblond: You call what I just did walking into a wall. I call it looking for walls I can pass through and marking that one off the list.
@LikeABaus91: Red bull gives you crippling heart palpitations just doesn't have the same ring to it.
@Cheeseboy22: I could never join the army because I'd never be able to figure out what time it is.