@markleggett: I casually mentioned to my cat that I've petted many animals in my time, and she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said "How many?"
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@3sunzzz: My husband and I make a good team. I'm about to start cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and he's taking the batteries out of the smoke detectors.
@jtrulez: To successfully fight a bear, strike it firmly in the sternum with an open palm. Congratulations. You are now fighting a bear.
@imence2: 9 out of 10 wives agree their husbands are always wrong and the other one just doesn't wanna talk about it right now.