@Dadsbustednuts: I caught my employee sleeping on my office couch today. I didn't know if I should fire him, or tell him what I did on it last night.
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@causticbob: I was kicked out of a strip club last night for throwing twenty quid at one of the strippers. Ok, I admit it was in pound coins.
@Sassafrantz: My date said he wasn't looking for anything serious like I was trying to help him solve cold case files and shit.
@mattZillaaaa: I love how fresh & clean my bathroom smells after I've killed a spider with a full bottle of windex
@Bizarro_Mark: Grocery store just charged me $0.10 to offset the environmental impact of my bag and then gave me a paper receipt 3 feet long.