@bridger_w: I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that's what I get for dating a raccoon.
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@marcusparkersol: If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved.
@Blue_Crab: My BFF asked me to watch her purse while she went to the bathroom. I asked her what it was going to do. I'm hilarious. Everyone says so.
@DrDogMD: PATIENT: How tough was medical school for a dog like you? DR DOG: *thinking back on all the homework he ate* It wasn't easy
@timcarvell: Now that it's abandoned nudes, I hope Playboy goes with its other major brand identity and becomes a magazine about a very fancy rabbit.