@bridger_w: I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that's what I get for dating a raccoon.
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@Playing_Dad: Me: You want to watch a horror movie for Halloween? Dog: Sure, put it on Me: *turns on Dyson vacuum infomercial*
@midnightwhale: [walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire] it's alright guys i got this one. *whips out a flamethrower* TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-