@bridger_w: I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that's what I get for dating a raccoon.
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@KababPapi: Americans: Muslims are so violent Me: ok but police co- Americans: shut up. Don't judge a group of people based off a select few.
@ThisOneSayz: The person who named the eggplant must have been: a) Colorblind, and b) Totally high
@librarianfonz: Growing up in a household dominated by females, you learn: 1. The importance of listening 2. 101 euphemisms for "the monthly visitor"
@clindsaysway: We got a tornado warning, and I'm too scared to open my windows. Don't want any sharks in my house.