@Julian_Deane: I caught my nephew doing drugs with me last night.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Julian_Deane: My computer keeps trying to turn me. asked if Im a robot again. No mate still not a robot.
@UniqueDude2: [reading book report] ME: Beyowulf is the story of a guy that turns into an wolf when he hears Beyoncé TEACHER: Wrong. ME: Well, I tried.
@DurtMcHurtt: When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "you did this."
@HousewifeOfHell: Two certain individuals today proclaimed me the worst mom ever because I took them to the dentist. I FORCED THEM TO HAVE TEETH. Like, OMG.