@Tuna_Lover: I caught two teens smoking pot behind my office. Ten minutes later, my boss caught two teens and myself smoking pot behind my office.
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@MartaEffing: I know you've been here. I can smell you, still taste you on my lips. I crave more, but it's over now. Also, you're a donut. And I ate you.
@shashaintl: Me: We need to go. 11: Go without me. 7: Sometimes when parents go without their kids, they get arrested, and I can't let that happen.
@chuuew: 911: What's you're emergency? ME: You mean "your"? 911: OK. So..? ME: Someone's murdering me 911: You mean "murdered" ME:.. 911: [dial tone]
@GrrrRach: I've spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can't find his nuggets.