@SamGrittner: I celebrate International Women's Day by visiting my local CVS and torching all their 'JUST FOR MEN' products while screaming: "NOT TODAY!"
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@J_Recommends: My sister read '50 Shades of Grey' and relayed some of its explicit content. I pretended to think those things are shocking, too.
@Storminika: A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, 'Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car'
@TheDailySchmuck: People have underestimated me my entire life, and they've been wrong on like two of those days.