@SamGrittner: I celebrate International Women's Day by visiting my local CVS and torching all their 'JUST FOR MEN' products while screaming: "NOT TODAY!"
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@MikeDrucker: If you told Alexander Hamilton that the online lottery to see his rap musical was unavailable due to server overload, he'd be like, "WITCH!"
@BlindChow: COP: do you know why I pulled you over? ME: *furiously trying to swallow a mouthful of mattress tag stickers* no
@david8hughes: [police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a grey Me: ... My dog: like a light grey. If that helps