@myles_morrison: I changed my wifi name to "14.4k dial up connection" so no one would bother stealing my signal.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: How much for the selfie stick? Him: Sir, that's an Olsen twin. Me: I'll take it.
@Mr_Kapowski: *runs into dental hygienist in store* Me: How are you? Her: *starts to respond but I shove my fingers in her mouth* Me: Not so easy huh
@murrman5: [showing date a picture] that's me and my brother at summer camp [showing a pic of me holding a big fish] and that's us after his accident
@MsCassieDaniels: A cat is the animal equivalent of the girl who hated you for no reason in high school.