@WheelTod: I cheated on my drug test, with a younger, more attractive drug test.
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@buttgh0st: [at club] DO YOU WANT TO DO A HUMAN SACRIFICE "WHAT?" [does stabbing and offering motion] A SACRIFICE, DO YOU WANT TO DO ONE
@jinkee: if you're hiding from a deranged killer and forget to put your phone on silent, at least make the ringtone the benny hill theme.
@mochanya: Just watched a commercial...How is it possible that the side effect for asthma medication is shortness of breath?