@WheelTod: I cheated on my drug test, with a younger, more attractive drug test.
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@Reverend_Scott: Wife: "If I died, would you remarry?" Me: "Yup." Wife: "And you'd even let her use my golf clubs??" Me: "No silly! She's left handed."
@hazelmotes1: Having children really brought me and my wife closer together. We have a common enemy now.
@stevevsninjas: Current anger level: I am last-beer-in-the-fridge-turns-out-to-be-a-soy-sauce-bottle angry.