@WheelTod: I cheated on my drug test, with a younger, more attractive drug test.
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@MartaEffing: I laid my tired head down on my pillow & saw the most terrifying thing I could possibly imagine: My phone. On my dresser. Across the room.
@msmessymist: Whenever I lose a follower I assume they died and the family had the account removed, because hello! I'm amazing!!
@davidkenny100: American: I was just at a shotgun wedding Me: How far pregnant was the bride? American: You English are insane Shotguns can't get pregnant
@UNTRESOR: "His arms are spaghetti, his feet are spaghetti, on stage he's spaghetti, his Mom's spaghetti." - Eminem first draft