@Brianhopecomedy: I checked my phone while I was mowing the lawn and now we don't have a garden.
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@The_MartiniGirl: The sampler tester at the liquor store told me to stop coming back every hour in a disguise.
@eyeswidebutt: if a bear is attacking you play dead and then play resurrection this will cause the bear to either worship u or deny ur existence
@jctwritesstuff: *walks past yoga studio* *looks in window* *eyes widen* Awesome. It's like kindergarten. *walks into class* *unrolls mat* *takes a nap*