@RobDenBleyker: I choose which country to root for in the Olympics by what cuisine I'm hungry for at the moment. Go Italy! #gnocchi2014
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@thenatewolf: *stuck in elevator with beautiful woman* I know it's only been 10 minutes but I'm gonna take a poop ok?
@TheDreamGhoul: saying monkeys r ur favorite animal is basically saying u like a shorter, hairier version of urself who can only communicate by screaming
@EndhooS: Scientist: we've finally taught a dog Morse Code Dog: [taps paw] Me: what did it say? Scientist: "woof"