@RobDenBleyker: I choose which country to root for in the Olympics by what cuisine I'm hungry for at the moment. Go Italy! #gnocchi2014
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@jwoodham: Don't text and drive. Just pull over until you're done using your phone. That's what I do. I've been on the side of the road since 2011.
@ShrinkMedia: My son just got his brown belt in Tae Kwon Do. If you threaten him, he bows respectfully before he runs.
@JohnLyonTweets: If a woman looks sad, tell her "You'd be pretty if you smiled more" and you won't see her looking sad anymore because you will be dead.
@KyleMcDowell86: [Bowling Alley] "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any bowling shoes left" *gestures towards a happy family of centipedes bowling*