@lizard_wizard77: “i cnat believe this!” he yells as his beard of bees turns on him. “i would expect this from the others but not u” he says to 1 specific bee
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@WhatevaConc: If you're wearing sunglasses & it's not at all sunny out, you can't get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street.
@mikeleffingwell: I always say "I was wondering when you'd find me" when I get in my car. That way if someone's ever in the backseat I'll look cool as shit.
@maisonshouting: KOHL'S: YOU SAVED $92 based on these arbitrarily high prices we made up! ME: I am honestly just so blessed
@underfleeker: I put a potato down my pants to impress a girl. Next time I'll put it down the front.