@Matty_Softmitts: I confuse "playing dead" with "playing dumb" so if I ever encounter a bear I'll probably be like "Listen, I don't even know how I got here."
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@Cheeseboy22: Just found a hilarious message in a bottle on the beach. I decided it needed to be RT'd, so I threw it back in.
@ItsAndyRyan: In Heaven Me: I can't believe how much stuff the Bible got wrong Gid: You idiots couldn't even get my Giddamn name right
@NonCombosMentos: *calls hotel front desk* "Hi is the stuff in the mini bar free?" No sir, you will be billed for any- "Someone robbed my mini bar"
@Reverend_Scott: [car wreck] [hand reaches out] "Take my hand. I'm Chad Kroeger from the popular band Nickelback." [I let the flames slowly bake me alive]