@Sarcasticsapien: I corrected the names of all my friends in my Contacts.
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@JD_Barney: I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"
@Dawn_M_: So embarrassing when you leave the bathroom and someone points out you have toilet paper stuck to your teeth.
@eyeswidebutt: [on phone] mom I need u to pick me up from the restaurant right now *whispers* no the date is going terrible, she pronounced it 'pokey-man'
@PurrrrrfectCat: If ignorance truly is bliss, my coworkers must be in a constant state of euphoria.