@Sarcasticsapien: I corrected the names of all my friends in my Contacts.
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@SteveDutzy: Luigi: You got your own land, world & galaxy. Can I have Mario Mansion? Mario: ok fine [under breath] gonna put a bunch of ghosts in it tho
@Cheeseboy22: I believe it is important to be an organ donor, which is why I am willing to donate my second chin to anyone missing a chin.
@Cheeseboy22: My arm could be chopped off and I could be covering the wound with paper towels and my wife would be like, "Too many. You're wasting them!"
@SondraDeeMe: [party] ME: You're out of shrimp. HOST: That was fast. I'll get more. BF: Where are your manners? ME: Under the heap of shrimp in my purse.