@Bez: I could be a stripper if guys want to see a girl get stuck trying to take off her turtleneck followed by an on-stage panic attack.
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@dafloydsta: [bank robbery] "Todd, where the hell is the getaway car?" TODD: *zooming up on a Segway* FOSSIL FUELS ARE RUINING THIS PLANET, GARY
@delusions_of: What I said: "Let's get together sometime." What I meant: "Please forget you ever saw me."
@MartaEffing: I hate when I take a nap on a park bench and everyone assumes I homeless. People with houses get tired, too.
@werehedgehog: Don't go chasing waterfalls. *turns on tap* We have their children. They will come to us.