@joanofdarkness: I could be happily married to some dude for 50 year an id still be textin ma pals like "omg do u think he likes me???"
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@malt_skull: [phonecall w criminal] FBI Agent: keep him on the line for 2 more minutes me: ok.. *twirling phone cord* no you hang up. haha no you hang up
@squirrel74wkgn: *walks in restroom reading phone* *opens stall door & starts peeing* Guy (pooping while staring at his phone): DUDE, WHAT THE...
@HomeProbably: [at restaurant] Table for two please. “Do you have reservations?” Yes, this place looks like a dump but I’m hungry.