@NolaChef504: I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@GrantTanaka: Yelled at some skinhead today & he was all like "chemotherapy, dude" & I was like, "whatever, racist" cause sometimes you gotta take a stand
@ehchino: "What is your reason for divorce?" She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'
@MartaEffing: I don't understand how wild bears can eat all that salmon without a squeeze of lemon and some sea salt.
@GrowlyGrego: Guns don't kill people. Cats don't sew mittens. Houses don't crap zebras. Lots of nouns don't verb other nouns. This isn't new information.