@NolaChef504: I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
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@WilliamAder: First in my neighborhood to cut the grass and now the other husbands are looking at me like I reminded the teacher to assign homework.
@daemonic3: Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
@RandomRamblr: She believed me when i said concentration camps were for people with Attention Deficit Disorder.