@NolaChef504: I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
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@MrSandeepP: This alphabet soup that I spilled on the floor is still more coherent than most Pitbull lyrics.
@Cheeseboy22: A fortnight is equal to 14 nights. Unless you live in a fort; it is equal to one night. Fort math is only complicated to non-fort dwellers.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at work] Carl, did you get naked when you used the bathroom? *standing there with his shirt & pants on backwards* "No...why do you ask?"